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May 31, 2024
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Ass
opine, color, massage, backpocket, bandwidth
Can you massage the numbers a bit?
echo. everybody always echos each other.
I'm not in banking but I've found myself using the word synergy in my daily life and it makes me want to die
possibly my least favorite word in the English language
high level
This thread already exists btw
yo sounds like you guys don't understand what half this shit means and are just h9erz
ACCRETIVE
SYNERGIES
pls fix, thx
lmao
Granular
Flow
Workstreams
the word COLOR.
especially on conference calls. junior analysts trying to sound smart.
Daily highlights: Don't kill yourself on this It shouldn't take long How is your bandwidth looking? can we comb through the deck one more time massage these numbers What are you staffed on right now? Can you circle back Is everyone on? Spinning your wheels Can you shift gears? Industry leader Poised to capitalize on Robust Seasoned management
bridge the gap support with data meet expectations
Bifurcate and Granular. ridiculous how many times people try to use those words. It’s so many times that they’re often misused
"lets bifurcate this into the 5 revenue streams"
...
Steep Learning Curve
Sharpen our pencils
I think this might be the worst, my manager had said this 4 times in one week once, 2 of which were out of context, I thought I was going to go insane
Who just joined?
hahaha
I'll check my back-channels
30 second mark-up
deep-dive
"asterix"
We're just waiting for [ X ]
Let's make sure we are aligned on how we communicate this
Some minor comments below: ..
Every teaser is "a leading provider of ..."
"dynamic"
Absolutely HATE the word "please".....that would seem counter-intuitive as it is a manner of being polite, but any e-mail starting with "please" will be followed by some complete bullshit request...it's never a reasonable or meaningful assignment.
Synergies Low-hanging fruit Thx / plz Circulate Socialize
Socialize hurts my ears
Spin your wheels What's your bandwith
"solution"
Most of the folks I work with don't speak English as a first language. Once the office catches on to a new word it gets added to everyones lexicon. It's funny because a lot of phrases seem completely alien to them, but are perfectly normal.
Last month it was "outsized" - as in "a possibility for outsized returns". By the end of the month they would say "traffic is outsized today".
This month they're using "touch base".
I received some offshore support from an Indian office and they loved saying “thrice” and “for the same”.
Mission-critical
10 ,000 foot view
Square the circle. Loop in. Buy in. Prior life.
prior life really gets me.
Shits stupid until years go bye and you start saying it.
These phrases are really just a way to autopilot and seem smart. I can have a phone convo while looking at shoes and just mutter nonsense.
Strategic
Value, and the adding thereof
"Please be advised"
Yeah, I'm fucking reading your email, I'm currently advising myself.
GP
"Second bite of the apple."
I actually don't mind that one, but I feel like I'm starting to hear it too much.
"lets take this offline"
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/bankisms
http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/banker-cliches
And echo a few others
Thx.
Any MDs relate?
"That would be great". Over. and Over. and Over.
Pristine
"stick handle this"
(presentation was usually made > 1-2 years ago, needs to be redone from scratch)
bottom line
give it another turn
put some flesh on the bone
Finishing emails with "..."
As in, every single one of their fucking emails.
"..." is one of the most peculiar "isms" in my opinion. In my experience, it's always really friendly/innocuous/humble types like admins that finish their emails with "...". These are people that I know for a fact are wonderful people, but I simply can't read "..." without thinking it's heavily passive-aggressive.
The people I am referring to are shit at execution, talk the talk but do not walk the walk, and repeatedly lead people on.
Pls Circulate Thx
No rush
Revert We’ll do Jamming
Jamming +1
Fire drill
This this this this this
Bifurcation... Still gives me cold sweats when I hear it.
Haha, one of the worst
vig and delta.
''best-in-class'' "'it is what it is''
Capex Opex Granular "High level Overview" "Great work"
we know enough to be dangerous
"can someone go on mute?"
"Process" ... used way to often.
CIRCULATE
Midnight oil - 'Don't burn the MIDNIGHT OIL on this'
"Let's get cranking on this"
"Yeah, sorry I was cranking on that model"
One that always pissed me off was "high level," because in actuality a "high level" understanding means you understand it at a basic level
"soft start" (when talking about really sh1tty Q1/Q2 numbers)
'Crowded Trade"
"apples to apples"
totally sophomoric.
Price point - the only thing it does that price doesn’t is make you sound like a douchebag
Source - where do you source your toilet paper? Wal-Mart?
Out of Pocket - does not mean unavailable
"At the end of the day.."
"Can one of you take a stab at this?"
"You just need to take a stab at it"
"I'm going to take a stab at it"
"Who wants to take a stab at it?"
Cranking: Saw 'cranking' already, was the best day when I was chatting to a girl about how I was cranking at work till 3 last night, and she starts laughing, because apparently she understood cranking as wanking while you cry, which, really, wasn't that far off.
Cold Towel: I fucking hate cold towel. Let me read this tomorrow with a cold towel, I'll do a cold towel on this later this weekend etc...
Global: On a side note, we had an RFP where we were trying to prove how much global reach the bank had, MD said "add global to the book". So we added a few 'global's, next turn, he added the word global another 30+ times in a 25 page book. It was fucking ugly, though we did win the sell-side.
the dreaded back office classic "please advise" or sometimes even "please advice"
and 'leverage' getting squeezed in to every sentence
From someone who just finished the bulk of their recruiting:
"Flat"
I fucking hate the word flat. Every HR rep and their fucking mother always yelps about how "flat" their culture is and how its soooooo much better than everyone else. What does that even mean? Its become so overused at this point that it is effectively meaningless. Like yea I get it, I'm sure I'm going to have LOOOOOOADS of interaction with the senior MD's, cause its so FUCKIN FLAT. What form will that interaction come in? Who tf knows! Could be seeing the rage in a Lazard directors eyes as a keyboard rockets towards my supple, young intern head, or that weird bald spot on the back of Loyd Blankfien's head as he walks right past me into the elevator.
Im sure many places truly do have a flat culture (as I've seen for myself), but for the love of god please give some legitimate examples of this, not just some overused buzzword.
definitely. no bank is truly flat. most funds should be though
the worst one of all "turnkey". makes me want to die
Let's circle up in a few
This one fucker always adds the word " Note: " to his email. like WTF man
Many of my colleagues are European and English is a 2nd or 3rd language so they LOVE certain words. The first time I made my emotionless senior associate smile was when I used "Granular" in a non-work context. It honestly made me sad.
Sent with BlackBerry Work (www.blackberry.com)
For senior guys, why is it so hard to change the signature on your iPhone Good app? Your desktop email has this 8 line signature that includes your made up Head of some random sub vertical title, fax, and even admin name.
"What's your bandwidth?"
First time I was asked this, I literally checked my internet bandwidth and reported it to my associate
"We're an organic company who has revolutionized an innovative and disruptive approach to strategically shifting global paradigms with outside the box thinking driven by our deep bench of management leadership - all of whom display a diverse array of robust industry experience"... did I hit them all?
Starting from the top Holding onto a stub Revert back
?
and
??????
? and ?????
Revert
Update
Level-set
What's the delta?
Can you take a look?
Are you jamming on something right now?
Can you patch him in?
The worst. My VP would ask me this everyday.
any sentence that starts “do we know....”, “do we think....”, “do we have a view on....”
it’s like asking a question you clearly don’t have a view on or know an answer to. then you put it on everyone else with this phrasing. something about the wording is bothersome to me
optics
Color.
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