IB Analyst Creed (must repeat every morning)

This is my Lenovo ThinkPad. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My Lenovo ThinkPad is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
Without me, my Lenovo ThinkPad is useless. Without my Lenovo ThinkPad, I am useless. I must fire my Lenovo ThinkPad true. I must model faster than my MD who is trying to kill me.
My Lenovo ThinkPad and I know that what counts in war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, nor the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit ...
My Lenovo ThinkPad is human, even as I [am human], because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its barrel. I will keep my Lenovo ThinkPad clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other.
Before God, I swear this creed. My Lenovo ThinkPad and I are the defenders of my bank. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life.
So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy, but peace!