Thoughts on non-target chromosome + sperm diploid sequence for EB -> PE -> SM HF -> T5 Retirement Home -> SC Cemetary

Hey guys I am currently a sperm cell that is an incoming fetus. Wanted to see what my chances would be. Most likely I will be placed in the XY chromosome group which isn't ideal I know. Unfortunately, looking at my diploid genome sequence, I have a non-target DNA code (Asian/White). Also worth mentioning my pre-forma karma is less than optimal so I am not likely to receive top bucket professions for parents (Banker/Doctor/Lawyer). Hopefully, I spawn in a T1 country (US/CAN/UK) but I can always lateral over if needed.

However, if the egg I am about to penetrate is from a target ethnicity, do you guys think I'd get looks from top elementary schools (New School/Lexington)? I plan to get a pre-k summer internship (Lemonade Stand/Lawn Mowing) to make my application stronger for top boarding schools (Exeter/Andover/Trinity). There I will also get above street comp summer job (Starbucks/McDonalds).Will try to place into top ECs like (Rowing/Debate/Fencing) but my chances at a target school is still dependent on egg. Assuming I get an offer from HYPSEXMW, I plan on interning at a boutique search fund (Avalerian/NextGen/HudsonRiver) and joining a top finance club like(WITG/WFUC/WIADO/COCK). Hopefully my resume will then be good enough for a sophomore bulge bracket offer at GS/MS/BofA (Again, assuming egg status), then leveraging that to get a lower bank that recruits early for junior summer (RBC/Union Square).

I can probably use that exploding offer to expedite an EB (EVR/MOE/PJT/MKlein).Then it gets easier, I can start on cycle recruiting to come in as an ASO1 at a MF PE (KKR/APO/BS/WB) then hop to SM HF(Tiger Cat/Beef Wellington) after a few years. From there on out, I can coast until I am a PM/Partner, retire and hopefully end up at a T5 Retirement home(Oakridge/Lakeside) and a boutique single casket cemetery.

Do you guys think this is doable for with my genetic makeup? What are the chances nontarget fathers can get with target mothers?

 

Look, your chances are slim. Your resume - the genetic code, or whatever - will likely be trashed into a stash of crumpled papers by the said nontarget father. However, one way to increase your chances would be to start blasting cold calls to all the target mothers. It’s a numbers game and there are success stories. Best of luck.

VP
 

Skip all the BS and die in the womb, it is a Tier 1A outcome. 

The important thing is never to let oneself be guided by the opinion of one's contemporaries; to continue steadfastly on one's way without letting oneself be either defeated by failure or diverted by applause.
 

Ullam temporibus dolor laborum ex cumque numquam culpa. Et quis autem officia enim ipsum numquam cum. Esse non quas consequatur sit. Ipsa harum expedita culpa voluptate. Mollitia aperiam maiores impedit sequi delectus eligendi pariatur.

Career Advancement Opportunities

May 2024 Investment Banking

  • Jefferies & Company 02 99.4%
  • Lazard Freres No 98.8%
  • Harris Williams & Co. 25 98.3%
  • Goldman Sachs 17 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 04 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

May 2024 Investment Banking

  • Harris Williams & Co. 18 99.4%
  • JPMorgan Chase 10 98.8%
  • Lazard Freres 05 98.3%
  • Morgan Stanley 07 97.7%
  • William Blair 03 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

May 2024 Investment Banking

  • Lazard Freres 01 99.4%
  • Jefferies & Company 02 98.8%
  • Goldman Sachs 17 98.3%
  • Moelis & Company 07 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 05 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

May 2024 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (5) $648
  • Vice President (21) $373
  • Associates (91) $259
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (14) $181
  • Intern/Summer Associate (33) $170
  • 2nd Year Analyst (68) $168
  • 1st Year Analyst (205) $159
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (146) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”